Finger Painting

So my latest I-hate-work story needs a bit of exposition: as a closer for a title company, I have the outstanding privilege of being one of the only people with whom clients actually interact during the whole process of closing on a real estate or mortgage deal. First let me say that it is indeed incredible just how many people are involved with a single transaction these days. Take your local Burger King for instance. Usually the only people you actually speak with are the cashier who takes your order and the expediter who gives you your food. Imagine how many people there are in that restaurant who have their hands in your paper sack. There's the guy on fry duty, the two or three people on the sandwich line, the person who puts all the burgers through that organizing shelf, and the person who actually bags your food, who may or may not be the person who hands you the food. If that's how many people it takes to make a Whopper and fries (that's not even including the drink), just imagine how many people are involved in a real estate transaction.

Even just balancing a single file for me takes me across the paths of a whole handful of people, and rarely is it either real estate agent. It could be a loan officer, their closer (or closers), a termite company, a radon mitigation company, a home warranty provider, an attorney, one or more other banks besides the buyer's lender, my own title company's processing department, other closers, or one or more managers if things get tricky. This is just a small sample of the people you rely on when you're buying or selling a house.

But you as a customer don't realize this, because the only persons you ever speak with are your real estate agent, your loan officer, and the closer from whatever title company is acting fiduciary (excepting whoever performs the necessary inspections on your home; and you don't even have to meet these people usually). So naturally, when something goes wrong, you only have a small number of people in mind when it comes to assigning blame. Because the title company is the one handling all the money, and because people get nervous when it comes to large sums of currency, guess who holds the responsibility for pretty much everything. Oh, but it's not just the title company, it's the person who puts the papers in front of you and tells you where to sign.

Now here is that story I promised you. Let's say you're a homeowner and you purchase a year of hazard insurance as is required by the lender who holds your mortgage. The money for this insurance comes out of your loan, which comes from your lender, who sends the money to the title company who closed the purchase of your home, who finally sends the money to you so that you can pay whomever is providing your insurance. Let's say a year later you realize you never got the check. Since you're a dumbass, your first conclusion is that the title company never sent out the check like they were supposed to. You immediately call the first person you can think of, naturally your closer, and demand that he or she not only reimburse you for the year of hazard insurance for which they ended up paying out of pocket, but also to pay for the next year.

This is a choose-your-own adventure story, so there are a number of ways it could end.

• Scenario 1: The closer tells you, "It says here in the system that the check was printed and mailed out to you but that it was never reconciled. Let me call the person whose job is to verify that each check we send is reconciled and see what they have to say." The closer then does as promised, and said money-manager is associated with the shortage. She will likely tell you that while she did drop the ball on her responsibilities, you should have called about ten months ago and that there's nothing she can do about it at this point.
• Scenario 2: Same as the above, except the money-manager agrees that you should be reimbursed and happily does so. Your outrageous demands for a second year of insurance are not met, however.
• Scenario 3: Same as 1, except the money-manager refuses to take responsibility for this and the closer is associated with the shortage, though you are not reimbursed for your missed year of insurance.
• Scenario 4: Same as above, except the closer's manager decides that since you are the customer, your word is proverbially the correct one, reimburses you, and even pays for another year of insurance.

Would you believe that this story is true, and that the correct ending is the last one? (Rhetorical question. Of course the most asinine conclusion would be the one that actually happened.)

While I don't necessarily fault the borrower for contacting the closer with this issue, it is altogether frustrating when she uses words like "you never sent me my check" and "you must have lost it" or "you need to reimburse me for my stupidity" (/artisticlicense). This happens all the damn time. I am often asked to do closings where I have not once touched the file, so of course the numbers are foreign to me. I usually make a point of disclosing this, but agents and loan officers alike are never shy about telling me that I added something incorrectly, or that I changed a settlement statement without telling anyone, or that I should have collected for second-half taxes. And to think I once relished the idea of having everyone's attention!

PART TWO /a la RedLetterMedia

There is another reason I came here today, and it's not nearly as innocent-sounding as Avenue Q's proclamation that "Everyone's A Little Bit Racist." I will readily admit that I'm racist, but not in the sense that I think one race is above or below another on the evolutionary chain. I try not to let myself stereotype people because of the way they look, but my instincts are often correct when I do.

Last night I went to see the new X-Men movie (yes, it was awesome). There was a family of African-American folks sitting in front of us, and they happened to have a fairly young and useless child who felt the need to make noise throughout the first forty minutes or so of the movie. Neither parent decided to be courteous and take the baby out so as not to disturb the other two-hundred patrons in the theater. Instead, the mother noisily and continuously shshed the baby until my mother - racist that she is - went to get a theater manager to speak with the parents. (At this point I didn't realize that they had three or four other children with them. Hooray for procreation.) The manager took the father outside of the auditorium and had a word with him, likely saying that if the baby continues to disrupt the movie and if the parents continue to do nothing about it, they would be asked to leave. The father returned, and amazingly the baby stopped making noise, as far as I could tell.

Not surprisingly, the mother was informed of what had transpired and proceeded to complain out loud that they were not doing anything wrong. Strike two, lady. Even though the complaining did not last long, my mother was quick to call on assistance again, the manager returned and asked them to leave, and they stomped and knocked their way out of the auditorium. We enjoyed the rest of the film.

At the beginning of the movie, while the baby was crying, I considered asking the mother to kindly take her child out of the theater until it calmed down. My instinct told me that this would only cause more problems, as the mother would likely tell me to mind my own business, or cuss me out, or tell me she has just as much right to be there and blah blah blah. While I would have enjoyed telling her that she and her boyfriend (I hesitate to say husband, which is the racism talking) were very much in the wrong and that the both of them ought to be euthanized, I decided to let it pass and save the other patrons the awkward torture of having to watch such a thing transpire.

This seems like an appropriate time to defend myself. Allow me to digress for a moment in an effort to do so. I recently visited Universal Studios for the first time in many years. While in the Twister attraction, there was a pair of young, white "ladies" who deliberately attempted to agitate people by talking loudly during the movie portion. My friend's mother took the bait and shshed them, which opened the floodgates. The details aren't necessary. I regrettably turned and very politely asked them to please be quiet and let us enjoy the attraction. They eagerly directed their tirade in my direction. I said nothing more to them, as it was clear there was no use in it. As we walked through the attraction, the girls actually followed us, ranting at us the entire way until we were finally able to escape into the crowd. Apparently we weren't the only ones who were irritated by this, because the show was actually put on hold so that the girls could be spoken with and asked to leave. When it was over, we left the attraction and walked around for a while, and lo and behold we saw the girls agitating another hapless visitor to the park. We did our best to avoid them, as we were certain they would follow us again given the opportunity.

The point here is that people of all races are dipshits. I will say, though, when I initially heard these girls talking I correctly figured right away that they were dressed like two-bit strumpets. "White trash" is an amazingly valid classification sometimes.

Back to the movie theater. After the film, my mother was approached by another manager who told her that that particular family had been kicked out of the theater before for being disruptive. They had even needed to call in security (actual police officers mind you) because of their belligerence. Now, I know a great number of decent African-American people who can still behave like black people but without all of the rudeness and lack of concern for the well-being of those around them. I have no problem with the "black" culture. What I have a problem with is the assumption of many black people that it's OK to flaunt their boisterous upbringing in a room-full of people whose expectation is that every other person in the theater intends to be quiet. I don't care where you're from or what you look like; if your behavior is annoying, you need to realize this and stop, especially when someone points it out. That isn't about race or stereotyping. You may say it's just a part of their culture to be frequently rude and angry toward each other. Is this healthy? Is this bettering them as a people? Is a spiteful anger-filled society something to be embraced? If so many black people want to behave like unmannered children, then why should others be faulted for associating them with that bad behavior? It may be racism, but it's hardly anyone's fault but the people who have caused the association.

I only use African-Americans as an example here because this particular memory was fresh in my mind. I have a lot of Japanese friends. I know many Japanese behave in a very stereotypical Japanese manner, because that is the culture with which they've surrounded themselves. All the "yatta" and peace sign crap can get annoying, too, and I'm sure if I were to call a Japanese person out on how annoying they're being, I could expect them to get offended and call me racist. (I'm much more likely, however, to expect a Japanese person to apologize and subdue themselves.)

I could go on and on about this issue, but it wouldn't change the fact that I'm judgmental and, yes, a racist. I only wanted to put it out there that (IN CONCLUSION) racism is most often initiated by the stereotyped party.